Let me just start this off by being completely transparent, I've never been a big fan of golf. I've never played a game of actual golf before, but I have played a good bit of mini-golf at various places at multiple times in my life. I can't say I ever will play an actual proper game of golf actually, and I will tell you why. Until recently, I've never realized just how fundamentally flawed the actual sport as a whole seemed to be until I played a couple games of Mario Golf: Super Rush not too long ago.
Let's start out with something real simple that is easy to complain about that can be summarized as: "General level of physical activity and engagement".
In most sports, whether you are running, dribbling, tackling, etc. you are always engaged and reacting to your opponent actively. But in golf? You hit the ball, get in a golf cart and drive to your ball like an elderly retiree, or worse, you walk a stupid distance just to reach the ball and hit it again. I don't know about you but moving from point A to point B should have some level of excitement. Even Mario Golf: Super Rush has realized this, and in some game modes, they allow players to jump around and mess with others and grab items in-between their strokes, but this doesn't fix the fact that half of your entire playtime isn't really playing golf. Who wants to waste their time just getting to where they need to be?
There's also the issue of player interaction-or rather, more like the complete lack of it entirely. Most sports involve some level of interference, so stuff like blocking, tackling, stealing, or at least just mentally psyching out your opponent. In golf? You can't do anything but stand there, wait for them to take their turn, silently hoping that they screw up.
Oh yeah, and that leads me to another really big thing that I find upsetting. The only way to gain an advantage is just to not mess up yourself, which makes for an incredibly isolated and passive experience, why even play against people at that point? At least in Mario Golf: Super Rush, they give the player weird power-ups to mess with people and special shots and whatnot that can shake things up, but even then it's just a band-aid over the fact that you're still mostly just playing your own seperate game then comparing scores at the end.
And don't get me started on the hopelessness of making a comeback. In almost every other competitive game, a single mistake isn't necessarily the end of your chances. You can adapt, rally, and claw your way back. But, in golf? You miss one shot, and you might as well just start drafting your resignation letter. If the other player knows what they are doing, and also doesn't make a mistake, you're doomed to stay one stroke behind for all eternity. That's exactly what happened on multiple occasions when I played Mario Golf: Super Rush, I botched one shot early on and suddenly the entire game was just me hoping and praying that my opponent would also mess up. Spoiler alert: he didn't. The entire rest of the game was just me going through the motions, knowing that I had no real chance at winning. That's not competition; that's just plain ol' suffering.
Another REALLY annoying aspect, is the fact that, especially when playing a video game version of golf with a friend, whoever goes first is the most likely to lose by default. And I don't just mean tee-offs... Why? Because if that person makes a mistake, all the other player has to do is just not make that same mistake. But, even if you don't make any mistakes, they can still improve upon what you just did and one-up you easily, rinse and repeat, until you have lost the game.
Also, finally, the worst offender of all: Wind and elevation. I get that environmental factors are a part of sports, but in golf it feels less like a challenge, and more like a punishment. It's already hard enough to hit a tiny ball into a tiny hole from a ridiculous distance, but now you're telling me I also have to account for the wind randomly deciding my fate? And let's talk about putting... You finally get onto the green, thinking the hardest part is over, only to realize that Mario Golf: Super Rush wants you to calculate how a slight slope will cause your ball to completely betray you. Nothing feels worse than lining up the perfect shot, only for the ball to stop inches away from the hole because you didn't do some advanced trigonometry in your head or factor in some invisible grain direction on the grass. It's just downright maddening.
So yeah, after my Mario Golf: Super Rush experience, I can say that with full confidence, golf barely qualifies as a sport in my opinion. It's a long, lonely, uninteractive slog where mistakes are permanent, comebacks are impossible, and in video game form, the game mechanics feel actively spiteful. Whether real or digital, it's just a frustrating experience disguised as a leisure activity. I respect people who enjoy it, but I'll just be over here playing games where I actually get to have fun!
